Once, There Was This Goat – When Humor Isn’t Funny

I grew up in a household of laughter. Story telling and jokes brought a tremendous amount of joy. Nearly every holiday our extended family would gather together and share stories from years past. The jokes were often clean, yet sometimes a little off color. Subjects would ebb and flow, and there were several moments when laughs would come at someone’s expense. These jabs were typically exchanged between my dad and his brother. As I grew older, I could retell the family stories with great accuracy after hearing them so many times. And as if I was being initiated into adulthood, I became the punchline to my older cousins’ jokes.

The banter included my dating life, facial hair (or lack thereof) and my inability to get a buck during deer season. My uncle and dad participated in the playful teasing. There were moments when the jokes stung a little, but I learned how to take it and how to give it right back. This “dishing it out” ability has blossomed over the years into a “natural, off-the-cuff humor” that keeps an audience laughing. Be it five or 55 people, I use humor to connect and entertain. However, as a colleague of mine says, “Every strength has it’s shadow.” A recent moment of humor cast a shadow over a first impression. 

I recently attended a backyard birthday party. Two guests I had only met that day. They were punchy and jovial. One guest, let’s call her Katie, enjoyed picking at me for my “cheesy” sense of humor as she put it. The sparring was plentiful throughout the day. It was all in good fun. Suddenly someone said a word that caused Katie’s skin to curl. She squirmed and said she didn’t really like the word.

That’s all the rest of us needed to hear, and we began finding ways to work the word into conversation over the 30 minutes that followed. The word became a punchline. We thought Katie was laughing along. She wasn’t. In her mind the word wasn’t the punchline- she was.

Katie casually played off her true feelings, and I didn’t notice. Instead I was basking in the laughter from eight at the expense of one. To Katie, I ruined a first impression in 10 minutes flat.

If you’re prone to using humor in nearly all conversation (or know a friend who does), take note of this recent life lesson.

Humor should build up, not tear down. There are moments when playful jokes poke fun at a close friend or relative. If you enter this territory, you need to have a very close relationship with the person and understand their tolerance for public humiliation. Most of us have a low threshold for this type of humor, so tread lightly.

Humor should be an inclusive, shared experience. Simply put, if you’re making a joke toward someone’s general direction and he isn’t laughing, it’s not funny. You’re excluding him. Laughter is contagious. In a movie theatre, audiences laugh together. It’s a shared experience. Don’t exclude someone by making her the punchline.

Humor is funny, when it’s funny. If you’re the only one laughing, the joke wasn’t funny. Apologize and move on. Don’t dwell on how you thought it was funny or ask others why they didn’t laugh. Just remember to never use that punchline again and move on.

Once, there was this goat. And one day this goat kicked an employee of mine. During our next team meeting, I let out a little “mehhhh” (insert goat sound here) while referring to this teammate by name. A few hours later she let me know how much I had hurt her feelings. She wasn’t laughing. I didn’t notice.

The joke wasn’t funny, and it tore her down. You could say, my comment really got her goat. (Sorry. I had to.) If I could go back and make the goat my punchline, everyone would have laughed, including her.

Laughter relieves stress and brings people together. But be cautious the next time you’re about to make a wise crack at the expense of others. A great friendship could be damaged, or your first impression- your last. Take it from me, it may be wiser to make the joke about the goat.

Question: Has humor ever damaged a relationship in your life? How did you recover? Comment below and help others to grow.

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Once, There Was This Goat- When Humor Isn’t Funny first appeared on From Where I Sit.