A Time to Be Silent

“Wise men are not always silent, but they know when to be.” ~ Unknown

A dear aunt sent this quote inside my birthday card one month ago. I chuckled when I read it. It was an appropriate mini-gift that will pay dividends down the road.

See, I’ve been known to be a talker.

According to Urban Dictionary (undoubtedly the most reputable internet word definition source), a talker is “a person, often a stranger, who feels the need to talk to you, or anyone around them.” Those who know me best will agree that while I do love to interact with strangers, I don’t often feel compelled to converse with every Joe I see. Instead, I love to engage and uplift others with whom I’m already set to meet- restaurant servers, hotel desk agents or a colleague holding the door for me at work.

This isn’t to say that I don’t love to talk.

I do.

At first glance, talkers may seem ready to chat about anything from the weather to their last gallbladder surgery. You know, the one that removed the rest of the stones after the first surgery was botched by the doctor with the thick Russian accent who swears he is from Australia? But I digress. While ramblings do happen, generalizing all “chatty Cathys” into this genre is a bit off base. We talkers simply love to communicate and encourage others.

A trusted friend recently said I “articulate concepts well using story and words that connect.” Meanwhile a coworker is teaching me that silence can have more impact than the most well-versed orations. So when do we speak? When should we be silent? For clarity, I suggest we answer these three questions.

• Am I showing off? There is a distinct difference and fine line between showing off your infinite wisdom and adding value to someone else. Just because you “have the answer,” doesn’t mean you should offer it. Instead of proving what you know, ask pointed questions to help others think for themselves. This subtle change creates interactive communication and avoids a personal monologue.

• Am I sharing too much? Every day is unique. There are funny moments, sad moments and dramatic moments. We talkers want everyone to join us on the journey, so we share away! Please refer back to the gallbladder story. Sometimes we say too much. Don’t give away the ending. Instead, peak curiosity and answer the questions that follow.

• Am I just adding to the noise? It’s important to have purpose when speaking. Is your goal to entertain, inform or seek answers? Know the goal behind your words. Purpose-filled communication connects others to a vision rather than treating them like uninvolved spectators.

I need to ask myself these questions regularly to combat the misperception of being a “talker.” Perhaps the next time you’re about to open the floodgates, you will consider them too. And if any answer is “yes,” it may be wise to push pause.

At least, for now.

Question: Do you consider yourself a “talker?” If so, do you think there is a negative connotation to the word? What can you do to help combat any misperceptions?  Comment below and help others to grow.

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A Time to Be Silent first appeared on From Where I Sit.